12/11/05- ugh, chaos reigns. New for the week : 77 yellow maxi, green 2 speed, + our new project = the fearsome puch robot. Next week an operative will take our puch magnum hi torque 2 speed robot to seattle, chicago, kzoo, or richmond and unleash it on another moped gang. It will eat your moped and then dust those who would chase after it at speeds in excess of 45mph. evil. an elite squadron of creatures get creature tattoos. Mosquito fleet sends a spy to give us a branch review. perhaps he will return infected with a robot. hayes valley grocery store gets swarmed by the hoards. moped sales are up 20% in december. christmas rush, hmm.
12/3/05 - TONITE (sat) creature house party/bbq at doug's 7pm, sunday 50mile marin ride with GURU, monday house party in bernal, & next sat. (12/10) hayes valley art opening with 5+ creatures in the abandoned grocery store. we've decided to be in a constant state of rally. it's not like anyone wants to do anything non moped related anymore. new creature travis outdoes us all with a creature jungle edition maxi...
12/1/05 - last winter there were two creatures facing the rains, this winter there are almost 60. we encounter some organizational problems trying to arrange rain rides...free spirits sold out, late model maxis gone, we choose to unleash a secret cache of orange maxis starting next week. flipy tells the tale of his 2,806 mile moped trip looking for bigfoot...more magnums arrive!
11/27/05 - jay jean hank ho gets us into farley's oct. news letter...read it. another magnum found, a new green maxi (yes, that 2 speed green) immigrates to the city with g...on a plane. his instructions : remove engine, place moped in a bike box, tell them it is a bicycle, travel happily, be crafty. ringo & her SHOCKING pink maxi win whatever awards we have for the month
11/26/05 - 'In san francisco a gang of moped riders called the "creatures of the loin", reconextualize situationist drift, as the new sf psychogeographic society' ....the creatures immortalized in the great wikipedia under the, um, suitable heading situationist; see also psychogeography and anarchism. the last thing i imagined when we started the creatures was a place in an encyclopedia, even a user editable one, but we will take it...for now.
12/27/05 - the chron, what! riot inciters. the creatures find themselves the main story in the sf chronicle datebook. there are a number of misquotes and they got g's name completely wrong. oh well. see you weds. night at the red vic for easy rider. i have the soundtrack on 8 track, it's okay too.
12/25/05 - moped theft in sf? crime solved, read it here. thieves take note - we have your license plate number, thanks you worthless goons. riding past a gang of 22 riders on a stolen moped is... hmm...do i even need to say it? we're coming for you. adventures into the night...creatures taken over by girls, enslave me please. G and lee prepare to leave for 6 month s.america trip on weds. oh, the longest moped journey in the history of the earth, that round spinning thing.
12/17/05 - last monday our biggest meeting ever, something like 27 creatures present, most of us making the post midnite journey to the seward slides and mt. davidson. G & lee in the final days before the grand s.america trip...
6/6/6 - TURF WAR! 3 brave creatures claim the coastline from sf to east la as creature territory on a three day 500 mile ride. 2 unaffiliated riders in santa cruz surrender instantly, bowing down to loinscum supremacy without a fight. we cede la and south to the guru, myrons & their crew of heathen rockers. Creatures plant the flag of loindom in san louis obispo, santa cruz, santa barbara, & monterey on a 3 day coastal pilgrimage to the guru in LA. Four creatures ride with 30+ la riders at myron's mopeds monthly ride, err, I mean race. wait was it a ride or a race, is 45mph+ racing or riding? whatever. 60 mph 50cc mopeds in attendance, yikes. Dozens of 45 mph machines = mayhem. They are like a decade ahead in 50cc moped technology down there, but the creatures have more chains so? creatures now possess 5 guru machines; achtung. Oregon lies in a peaceful slumber, but not for long as creatures citywide plot an all out invasion. Take the coast before those mosquito fleet heathens claim it, expand the empire, arghgh. meet on sunday or perish. is the creature's moped army allegiance wavering? acknowledge us or meet thee maker. akiko (ju on) donates her polaroids documenting the trip...soon. oh, and the final word : puch uber alles. done.
5/25/05 - creatures reach 35 riders, administer beatings to those who can't come to creature event #13, thursday night at the rickshaw stop.
5/14/05 - creatures survive friday 13th intact. swarming sunday 10:30 axactula 18th & mission, be there beware.
5/11/05 - EVICTED creatures get thrown out of their garage....again. creature benji declares eviction to be 'character building and a necessary step in citywide domination.' hobbit creature chris intervenes, loans creatures the best dirt pit we've ever seen, making this creature cave #4; you'll never find it. I can't even keep track of our numbers anymore, huffed 10 gallons of gas today. I think there is a plot to swarm on sunday, in numbers the city has not previously seen. oh! is there ever a quiet week here? negative.
5/7/05 - hobbit mauls three; no known survivors.
5/6/05 - and then everything changed; we meet the moped whisperer, acquire a fleet of modded maxis and now riders fly, off the hook I should add, along the sf streets at speeds exceeding 40mph. yikes, this must be phase II, i mean i guess it is, right? Creatures swear allegiance to their gurus, shaw & pat out of la ....Will the creatures be the next moped army branch? yes, phase II.
5/3/05 - forgive my absence, my wireless leeching has gone awry. Anyway, the creatures have hit 30 riders! do we plan to stop? nope, never.
4/19/05 - creatures flood the market with rare treats. creatures meet at naan & curry then, near midnite disperse into the night. The last I saw was a trio of creatures swarming down a one way the wrong way. the creatures are an incurable infestation, surrender.
4/17/05 - creatures hit the streets 12 strong swarming and destroying everything in our path. Through the richmond, the haight, the mission to whiz burger which absolutely sucks and is a complete ripoff. Still it had a nice moped parking lot, but we will never go near it again. Through the city here there & everywhere, and danger, the creatures hit 23 riders. Have no doubt we will soon be the largest gang in the country, grrr. nothing but pure fanaticism is acceptable.
4/16/05 - creatures discount mopeds makes their first repossession. no need to hire a repo man, i've seen the movie and listen to the stooges so i'm set. In other news ~ plots for a sunday evening ride to the beach/whiz burger & thoughts of having a weekend moped repair seminar.
5/24/05 - Creatures benji, akiko (ju on) & G prepare for a pilgrimage ride down the coast to LA to see their guru. The plan is to leave predawn saturday. We might not stop. Look for a creature in your town soon...we'll be covered in dirt & chains asleep in your ditch
5/23/05 - 6 creatures spotted at the attic on 24th, moped sightings everywhere....
5/20/05 - creatures hired by APPLE for new fall '05 ad campaign, um, yep that is not a joke either. benji & G spend the day with models & various hot young things... Photographer to the stars ben watts shoots benji & G whilst waiting around for the models to get beautied up. We try to scam haircuts, to no avail. look for 4 creature mopeds with models
grinding riding on them to appear in apple instore displays around fall '05. They loved the bat. Next time they'll come for the creatures & their mopeds, and leave the models behind, since we're such dreamy things, right? ha. no free ipods to report..... a few polaroids we smuggled off the set...
5/17/05 - creatures unite for candlelight vigil in the heart of the loin to help our moped army application along.
5/15/05 - Creatures betrayed by Axactula, prices soar by 100%, creatures worldwide outraged. We head for the hills on our longest ride yet - 80 miles through the foggy mist drenched marin hillocks, motobecanes dropping off every hour on the hour, hmm, suspicious. creature brett guides us safely through the bandit infested woodlands. 40 mopeds SOLD in 2.5 months.
6/28/05 - two new riders in oakland appear; that bridge, a curse...a blessing. oakland now has 4 known riders, hunt down some more, we know they're there. we meet at naan and curry in the loin 10pm weds. be there beware.
6/26/05 - Creatures raid redding, walnut creek, and the lower haight coming up with 3 magnums, all cream puff of course. not bad for three days of raiding. oh, and I scored a clash 8 track too. magnums are the primo cross country touring machine, though the maxi contingent will probably argue this point. the creatures will soon be partnering with the SF*eating revolution to provide an overview of our city's many fine treats, focusing on the loin of course. you know, so like, out of town moped marauders passing through the city on grand scheming cross country ventures will know where to go to get a filling $2 taco and 85 cent cobras. A bare minimum of 6 creatures plot to blood drive it to seattle, departing 7/29/05. EIther you're with us or........
6/16/05 - an archive links page since van fleet can't find his way around the site + akiko seki's 40 polaroids, yes, 40, oh I mean 39, from our coastal raiding adventures...featuring creatures brett, benji, G, duffman, & akiko. Creatures moped army allegiance is, I am happy to report, not wavering. We're now in the final stages of our application...
6/14/05 - an impromptu crew of 13 creatures hold a barbecue in gg park & practice their black magik, too many flesh fiends & animal sacrifices for my liking though.
6/10/05 - G & akiko's photos from the journey south to claim the coast for the creatures appear overnight, as if by black magik
7/25/05 - Creatures of the loin become the official san francisco moped army branch, who would have thought us huffers would ever find acceptance anywhere.... It's anyone's guess as to what could happen from here...no, wait I can tell you actually : a creature party on weds to celebrate our union with moped army, and then bright and early friday morning eight creatures depart into the night, into the fog, on a 1000 mile journey across the land. contact-a-creature for weds info.
7/22/05 - fog 15 creatures riding lots of it. 7/27 seattle sendoff event be there.
7/20/05 - benji gets ten lashings for going on a huffing binge and not updating the creatureflash. New riders continue to appear...that dream of riding around the city and randomly running into other riders comes still closer to fruition. The past 3 weeks? plotting for blood drivin it to seattle, lots of night rides in the fog, and benji going craZY from having to handle the creatures alone without his beloved G, who ditched him to go moped hunting in japan, loser. not to even mention other people that ditched him, argh evil ones. Only 7 days till the return of G, 8 days till our going away party, 9 days till we depart for seattle....with a scream into the night....moped army still has us on the edge.
6/29/05 - naan curry & 20 creatures, get it here. Creatures swarm every weds. evening, contact-a-creature for info, usually meeting in the loin, scum.
9/14/05 - $3000 of performance parts on the way, i almost feel sick. puch domination continues, at last count like 4 non puch riders out of 40. fearsome, like a virus. magnum limited edition #XXX acquired by g, erik & the shocker get hacked magnum racers, red maxis breed creating more red maxis, and 16 riders take daly city via the guadaloupe mini pass culminating in a grand feast 12:19am at in'n out with piles of grilled cheese animal style, oh and I guess someone probably ate some flesh.
8/22/05 - combined creature speed up 6% for the week thanks to a round of 15.8mm bings and the feared black homoet pipe. screenprinting begins, with a few select creatures, namely the, um, cash donors receiving their first patches. expect an inane amount of limited edition creature paraphanalia to appear in the coming weeks. the shocker wins creaturette of the week, 4th week running. her contendors hide in fear.
8/10/05 - 1000 miles down: 5 creatures make it to seattle, rally with the army, then come home full of evil plots utilizing painful amounts of math, technology and death metal, including flippy's walk with weasel power. creatures welcome decepticon bret to sf, and get a visit from curt of chicago's peddy cash. A number of creatures arm themselves in preparation for this weekend's black sheep scooter rally which begins...in the loin?! what? thursday night edinburgh castle defend the loin from those small wheeled mod pansies. bring your fighter plus. fog ride pictures appear.
11/25/05 - more riders join the creatures, i've got like over 50 on my list, wait where are they? hmm. anyway monday nite we're at sadie's flying elephant, potrero & mariposa, the biggest creature event yet. my initial estimates hover in the high twenties...26 yes, that's what i am going with. (it rained)
11/21/05 - sacre bleu, paul and steph magnum xk breaks the 50mph barrier, 54.9mph actually. hundreds of creatures roam the streets unfulfilled, aching for speed, oh okay actually only 30 or so. creatures departing for tierra del fuego in t-minus 28 days. polini 64cc reed power turns our raging 30 degree streets into humble hillocks meant to be raced up. 23 creatures meet at nizario's and the alpha bar where newport buys the drinks, i speak the truth. a few miles later we're at the li po lounge in china town and then 1am twin peaks....celebrate the 50th moped SOLD soon, i think. ringo's shocking pink maxi appears in a blur at 45mph. out of nowhere 3 free spirits & a pinto arrive on the scene. ouch wild wild wild in the streets. here you will find no lack of fervency.
10/22/05 - creatures ride to a midnite showing of the WARRIORS, yep, legit, then on monday watch doug maxi's werewolf movie at the edinburgh castle before roaming the loin scavenging for 4am treats to nibble on. 20 of them, creatures, not treats.
10/11/05 - preparation for the creatures first rally begins... oh, and its this weekend...and its killing me.
10/6/05 - my computer returns from a month long hibernation~~~a few new bikes acquired, lots of gang meetings, general terror and chaos seem to reign, girl riders appear by the quarter dozen, the conquering of treasure island, a golden gate adventure, another magnum ltd. edition found, weekly monday meeting now bring an ever varying array of, oh, 20 riders.
4/13/05 - creatures reach 15, crumbs it took awhile. beware the bat.
4/8/05 - more mopeds acquired, more mopeds sold, including a 45mph maxi, danger.
3/30/05 - creatures hold meeting at naan & curry then, near midnite, circle the city until it surrenders; it does. creature duff shows us his off road skills/hot/hot/hot.
3/28/05 - creatures acquire four new rides, hold impromptu midnite race to twin peaks, noe valley rider van fleet beats out creature benji by mere feet. we reach 11 official creatures with dozens waiting for g and benji to fix their bikes and git them on the road.
3/26/05 - creature duff scores moped of the month, okay fine, moped of the year.
3/24/05 - yikes, we're getting down to the dregs...creatures plot for 3/27 golden gate crossing + 3/29 creature camping venture; what a happy family we are.
3/21/05 - Creatures become a gang of 9; a hot new magnum joins the roster.
3/20/05 - creatures apply to become the official moped army branch of SF , not that we have any competition.
3/19/05 - hard to believe but it will be only a few more days before we have to declare creatures of the loin discount mopeds ...soldout. (note 12/20/05 : this was extremely premature)
3/15/05 -. We're expecting a heavy run on mopeds to start...now...so let the buyer frenzy begin arghrgrggaaa; with a scream into the night.
3/13/05 - creatures flyers archive appears; commemorating one week of creature marketing.
3/12/05 - creatures HQ raided by fire marshall & police! creatures accused of poisoning a kitty & grumpy old jazz drummer with gas fumes! Creatures evicted, garageless again.....
3/05/05 - creatures sell a ride or two.
3/01/05- a week of slaving by the ocean, it was painfully hot and we had to strip down.
2/27/05 - creatures benji and G acquire 33 mopeds and dream of forming a huge gang to take over the city.
0/00/00 - birth of loinscum as we know it, probably mutated from something in the civic center library bathroom.